So this is Christmas, Bangkok style

Well, spending Christmas in a tropical area is not quite romantic, but fun it certainly is! The only Santa Clauses around are all having real beards and seem to speak German, sweat a lot and always have very young and naughty looking girls clutching on their bellies. Instead of saying Ho ho ho in a deep and low voice, they let the giggles come from the younger ones present, provided of course that there are presents to be handed out. Anyways, I'm not here for Santa Claus.
In Bangkok however one cannot escape the cheerfully happy Christmas tunes coming from hidden or not so hidden but ever-persistent speakers in elevators, shopping malls and even the shabby foodstalls in dark alleys. Trouble is, where's the snow? Or even the clouds of air coming out of our mouths as we walk trough the streets? No such luck here. You can try of course to stumble into a freezer and get yourself locked in there to get a little bit of the winter-spirit into your system, but then again, I've never spent Christmas between chopped up corpses of porks and cows, I spent Christmas between fellow porkies chopping up cows. (Well, my family is quite sweet actually, even when we're drunk we only swear at each other between two courses and after making sure we got our presents already safely stacked away somewhere.)
Well, no escaping the dull and stupefying Christmas songs then, but at least the local idea of luring people into stores, bars and restaurants is by dressing up the best looking girls like Suzy Claus. Yep, all the waitresses, shopkeepers and even the 7/11 staff have to wear at least a christmas bonnet. (And it doesn't keep 'em from looking hot, somehow.) While I am trying to keep from melting this people happily run around with a red bonnet and a white fake-furred rim. They don't have a clue why, but they know it is connected with all the presents everybody seems to buy these days. And their tips increase as well. Wow! This hats must have magical powers as far as they are concerned. Well, that could explain why even three days after Christmas everyone is still dressed up and the annoying songs still play everywhere. Even in the Hi-Fi shops while on all the TV-screens images of drowned people and wrecked beach-bungalows are constantly being shown. Over and over again. Try it at home, put on that cd every house has these days, full of crooners and ballads of Snow, Santa and Bells. And put on CNN. Or BBC World. But kill the sound of your telly. Okay, now haul in every TV your house has into that same room. Go to your neighbours, borrow theirs, call your family, make them help. Friends too, Christmas is about all the ones you love. Put all sets on the same Channel. Make sure it is something gruelsome. Then put on that disc. A little bit too loud. Okay, mix with some smells of noodles boiling and fish frying. Now all start walking around in that room, everyone you called, make them all go somewhere, but make sure they stay in the room. Everybody must keep moving. Never get angry with each other though, that's not how it's done here... Just make sure you run constantly in each others way, but never completely block each other. Yes, that's it. Keep the sordid-screens in your peripheral vision. Order some noodles. Pay not more than 25 cents, or the cook is ripping you off with a smile there! There you go, now you've been here. Sort of. Just like your beloved reporter here. Sort of. Merry New Years to you all!